I've just had the worst week so far. A crap observation impacted severely on my mood and led to a crap week. I have seldom felt so low. It brought back all of the horrible memories of my PGCE Secondary course (1st placement) which ultimately led to my jibbing the course. Please, God, the only way is up now. I can't express how much is tied up in this course for me and how desperately I need to succeed. The low point was midweek and admittedly it did improve before the end of the week. But I don't think I've ever felt so tired and added to this, the grief of losing Mum managed to surface - I'm having a little bit of difficulty putting that away again. Ever tried to get a tent back into its original container - then you'll get some kind of a handle on what I mean. As for the tiredness, I slept 12 hours on Friday night and 12 hours on Saturday night. I'm feeling a bit more human now.
Thankfully we have a week off now so I hope to get as much work done as I can to try to alleviate some of the stress over the final 5 weeks. As I missed 2 weeks from the Spain placement, I have to add these on to the end, which means I don't finish until 2 weeks after all my colleagues. I really don't understand how this will fit in to my infamous Profile of Professional Development. Am I supposed to meet the same standards as everyone else for the 3rd and 4th review points? And then slip back and only meet the standards for review point 2 at the end? It's all so messy!
Don't know if anyone else does this, I subconsciously sing songs which fit in with my mood at any given time. When I was going through my aborted attempt at secondary teacher training, my mantra was 'Gotta get thru this' by Daniel Bedingfield, which was a hit at the time. Last week I was apparently heard singing 'Every day is like survival' from Culture Club's Kharma Chameleon. This morning I was singing in the shower Labi Siffre's 'Somethin' inside so strong'. I'll try to harness the power of that one for the next few weeks. Will keep you updated as to any changes to the soundtrack of my life...
Sunday, May 25, 2008
PGCE Final placement Week 4 of 9: Into the valley of death
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3 comments:
hope your next few weeks go well Carole, don't let them beat you down!. Will be praying for you.sonia
Cheers Sonia, I appreciate that. Trouble is, I tend to interpret being reflective as being self-critical and if someone gives me a stick to beat myself with, I don't hold back. It's not a good way to be. But it is lovely to have your good wishes and prayers. I will also pray for a smooth landing for you in your studies. I often think of our parallel paths. All the best. x
Mine's almost over, I get my results a week today, on my daughters birthday!.
We use reflection quite a lot at work as a tool, I think the key is to think about what you could do to improve but always think of something you were pleased with and would do again, don't just think about the negatives!. Also try asking the kids what they thought was good, could be improved, they are often great guides, very insightful and very forgiving! Also be realistic you are training, no one expects you to get it right all the time and even the most experienced teachers have bad days sometimes!- sorry lecture over!! sonia
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