Ahoy there! It be Esther McVey. Shiver me timbers.

Here be my token gesture to 'Talk like a pirate day'. Speaking of pirates, just had a visit from the Conservative Action Team on behalf of our local Tory party prospective parliamentary candidate, Esther McVey. You know Esther, she is the cutesy, blonde, former TV presenter turned politician. No I don't mean that to sound like some kind of a blonde joke, she is, I'm sure a higly intelligent and competent politician (she couldn't be any worse than the rest of 'em!) but she does have a slightly more glam appearance than say, for instance, Leon Britten. Anyhoo, her 'special envoy' was here to ask me (and everyone else on his round tonight) about what I felt were the big issues, politically speaking. So, ever eager to ensure that my interests were covered, I expressed my concern over the lack of NHS dentists. Dentists don't just blithely fill every tooth in your head with toxic mercury amalgam for nothing, you know, they also help spot early cases of cancers and other nasties in the mouth region. And as I am an impoverished student now and can't afford to pay monthly plans to private dentists, I need an NHS dentist.

I didn't want him to think he was going to get off lightly so I swiftly manoevred into my irritation at the state of the education system. Not missing an opportunity to slag off the egocentricities of politicians (no offence to the delightful Ms McVey!) I blamed them for using the education job as a stepping stone to greater things, implementing new stuff then flitting off to a new job leaving everyone else to pick up the pieces and not a thought for the poor little mites who should be being nurtured to fulfil their potential as well-rounded human beings! I could tell I was speaking his language now and we quickly used the conversation as a vehicle to slag off the whole of the public services. Our man from the Conservative Action Team instantly seized the opportunity to ask, if there were a general election tomorrow, could Esther be assured of my vote (here be dragons!). I couldn't say yes because my poor old, late-lamented dad would turn in his grave. So I muttered something about a general lack of confidence in politicians and categorised myself as 'undecided'.