The aftermath...

Well, it is just over a week since the bombshell was dropped on the parish so we have had an opportunity to chew over the idea of losing our priest. I suppose things will settle into a kind of normality again until the end of August when he finally goes. I hosted a house group last night. At the request of one of our group, we gave over a bit of time to discuss our reactions and where we think we go from here. The thing is, Father is great with the young families. He spends loads of time in the primary school (he's actually just a big soft kid himself!) and has attracted lots of young families back into church. Some of them are not even living in our parish but news of how 'family-friendly' we are has travelled and people have left their own parishes to come to us. He also says the mass like he means it (that's 'cos he does!) and gives a homily from the heart. That's so refreshing when so many priests are jaded and basically - well, let's not mince words - crap at all the people stuff. That is great, but when your leader is so charismatic, people will follow him to his new place and in our case that is not the other side of the diocese, it is barely 5 mins in a car! I don't know what the bishop is playing at - this is going to be so de-stabilising. I hope this new guy is good because if he is not we could see a mass (if you'll pardon the pun) exodus. Maybe that is the idea - you kind of get the impression they've been trying to find an excuse to close us for a while. Maybe I'm just being sensationalist. Anyway, it was good to have the opportunity to clear the air last night.

Workwise, I am leaving at the end of term. I am at that stage where what enthusiasm I had for the job is rapidly diminishing. I feel a bit flat, too, because I have really enjoyed working with the people. There are one or two people I'm going to really miss. Still, onwards and upwards, eh?

Longing to belong...

There is nothing that I want more than to feel that I belong. But I am not part of the crowd. Forever on the outside looking in. All the time wanting to be at the centre and yet desperate to run away once I get there. Nowhere is this more evident than in a church setting. It is hard to 'belong' in the Catholic church as, like the Anglican churches, we have such large congregations in comparison to many of the free churches. If you've a congregation of thirty, it is easy to get to know everyone. In a Catholic church you are extremely lucky if you know thirty people. I want a nice ready-made community - I don't want to have to work for it. And yet here I am, drawn to irrevocably into trying to build community when it is patently obvious that most don't actually want community - they just want to fulfil the weekly obligation and go home. I don't even have the skills or personality to build community but I feel I have to give it a go. I talk the talk a lot. I try to walk the walk but only manage to stagger about aimlessly. I've been making a concerted effort to do this for 7 years now and it's depressing me. I really try to love people, you know, the old agape business, but I get bugger all back. I know it isn't about what you get out of it but the truth is, I need the encouragement. I know some wonderful people who really care, but I still don't really feel I belong.

In a confused mood...

The past few days I've been in a confused mood. When I am feeling disgruntled with events in the local church, I go seeking reassurance elsewhere. I don't mean I try a bit of hinduism or wicca or even other churches; I seek to find solace in the greater Catholic church. That is possibly the worst thing you can do in these situations. In 2007 it should be easier than ever to sample the great expanse of Catholic wisdom with the plethora of bloggers out there. So, I'm like, looking for a Catholic blogger who might speak words of comfort to me. Believe me, I have trawled through tons of them in the past few days and it has, at best, been boring and, at worst, an alarming experience. I am sure these people cannot be reflective of the whole church. Where are all the reasonable Catholics? Catholicism may have more rules and regulations than all the other churches put together but we also have conscience. The trouble is that the reasonable Catholics have problems exercising that conscience for fear of the the fascists out there. We have a crisis in vocations at the moment so it is good to see, via the blog medium, that there are a number of young men who are willing to take up the baton and if they are not already in seminary, they are actively engaged in the discernment process. What is scary is the extremist nature in which they choose to express their faith through their blogs. Actually a lot of the more mature priest bloggers are no better. I shudder to think of the damage, actual and potential, which is being done to congregations in the western world. Is this the latest ploy to adjust the priest/lay person ratio? We are having no luck in the vocations department so let's decimate the church-going public. I feel very little of God's extravagent grace once it has been filtered through the medium of these men in black and the church's answer to the Hitler youth.

If you want to avoid fascist Catholic blogs (or find them, if you are a fascist Catholic!) a fairly good rule of thumb is to avoid anything with a Latin name. Other warning signs are ones which have cheesy representations of the Virgin Mary - you know the type. What is it about Roman Catholics? We have always championed art and creativity as a suitable way to glorify God and have a tremendous wealth of Christian art but we still prefer mass produced kitsch. The latest to take up residence in the Catholic psyche is the appalling 'Divine Mercy" image shown above. There are a few variations on this theme doing the rounds but this seems to be the VHS to the others' Betamax and Philips 2000, to use a technological analogy. It follows a basic specification revealed by God to St Faustina. Personally I can't stand the thing. There is something in the almond shaped eyes that reminds me of those grotesque Japanese animé characters.

I blame Mel Gibson for popularising a nostalgic image of the pre-Vatican 2 church. He should stick to acting.

The good thing is that I come out feeling the better the "devil" you know than the "devil" you don't. I'm quite lucky really - at least I don't encounter many fascists in my congregation.